Reality 2013

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Reality 2013

Post by Admin on Sun Sep 15, 2013 7:46 am

2013 2013 2013 <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I have a deep, bleeding cavernoma.(Some doctors call it a tumor, but it is mostly a “condition”, because it is not cancer) I have known for about a month now. I found out it cannot be operated on because it is to deep &nbsp;into&nbsp; the brainstem. I really was caught by surprised because i totally expected it could be fixed. &nbsp; I feel like the cavernoma is the bullet in a russian roulette game… which in fact, is pretty much what it is. &nbsp; It can change my life forever in an instant with a stroke, slowly with ongoing symptoms , kill you with the high risk of brain aneurysm, or simply leave you alone for a bit. &nbsp; There is no way to know when, and how.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Other than having been constantly dizzy, light headed and nauseous for more than a year, So far… i have bad days , and good ones.&nbsp; The bad days are really bad, and the good days feel awesome when they come.&nbsp;&nbsp; I feel alone a lot of times, which is not to be taken personally by anyone, but it really is a “invisible” illness that sometimes affects me so much, yet people around me dont “see” it… because its my brain going crazy… affecting me.&nbsp;&nbsp; Also, it is so inconsistent, one day is different from the next, even one minute is different from the next… so again, its not “real” for anybody else but me… I really dont think anybody can understand until their own brain plays Russian roulette with them.&nbsp;&nbsp; I have never felt so alone in my life.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">One day at a time really becomes real.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I dont “feel” like im going to “drop dead” any minute, I feel like im going to see my kids grow, that my symptoms are going to stop getting worse, and that it will never bleed again…</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">but reality have been proving me wrong pretty quickly lately. Maybe its temporary, how bad it’s been affecting me, but from what i read, once you’ve experience confusion, personality changes (in my case, i believe it was needed, i’ve always been too nice, and now, i just dont want to put up with&nbsp; $hit- hahahaha&nbsp; ) and weakness and numbness… everything i read, people stories, didnt have a happy ending. Not necessarily death, but really poor living condition, and i dont mean money.&nbsp;&nbsp; Physically, i am ready to deal with it. Mentally, not so much.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">On a medical note, here is a bit of infomration about how this is affecting me.&nbsp; I am experiencing a lot of these symptoms already, but here is an idea of what this condition does to the brain.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">What can be affected when a deep cavernoma bleeds?&nbsp; The brainstem, thalamus, and deep cerebellar nuclei are very important regions of the brain.<br />The brainstem is that part of the brain that conducts all the nervous impulses from the body to the brain (and vice-versa). It occupies a very small volume and is no more than an inch in cross section or length in much of its length. A small bleed into this tissue from cavernoma can lead to almost any part of the body being affected in strength, co-ordination (including walking, swallowing, vision and breathing) and sensation (all modalities including pain, temperature, touch, knowledge of the position in space, hearing and taste). The brainstem also contains a very important centre for keeping a person awake and damage to this centre can lead to coma.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />The thalamus is a little higher than the brainstem and connects to both the cerebrum and the brainstem. This area of the brain acts as a relay and process centre for nervous impulses coming from the body (and other regions below the cerebrum) that are entering the cerebrum. It is important for sensation (including pain, temperature, touch, knowledge of the position in space and vision).</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I dont like drama. This is simply… reality.&nbsp; I dont like it right now…. but that’s what it is.&nbsp; Being scared, mad and sad forever wont help… so I just have to accept it.&nbsp; Maybe not this minute, but the next, I will.</span><br> 2013 2013 2013 <br><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I have a deep, bleeding cavernoma.(Some doctors call it a tumor, but it is mostly a “condition”, because it is not cancer) I have known for about a month now. I found out it cannot be operated on because it is to deep &nbsp;into&nbsp; the brainstem. I really was caught by surprised because i totally expected it could be fixed. &nbsp; I feel like the cavernoma is the bullet in a russian roulette game… which in fact, is pretty much what it is. &nbsp; It can change my life forever in an instant with a stroke, slowly with ongoing symptoms , kill you with the high risk of brain aneurysm, or simply leave you alone for a bit. &nbsp; There is no way to know when, and how.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Other than having been constantly dizzy, light headed and nauseous for more than a year, So far… i have bad days , and good ones.&nbsp; The bad days are really bad, and the good days feel awesome when they come.&nbsp;&nbsp; I feel alone a lot of times, which is not to be taken personally by anyone, but it really is a “invisible” illness that sometimes affects me so much, yet people around me dont “see” it… because its my brain going crazy… affecting me.&nbsp;&nbsp; Also, it is so inconsistent, one day is different from the next, even one minute is different from the next… so again, its not “real” for anybody else but me… I really dont think anybody can understand until their own brain plays Russian roulette with them.&nbsp;&nbsp; I have never felt so alone in my life.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">One day at a time really becomes real.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I dont “feel” like im going to “drop dead” any minute, I feel like im going to see my kids grow, that my symptoms are going to stop getting worse, and that it will never bleed again…</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">but reality have been proving me wrong pretty quickly lately. Maybe its temporary, how bad it’s been affecting me, but from what i read, once you’ve experience confusion, personality changes (in my case, i believe it was needed, i’ve always been too nice, and now, i just dont want to put up with&nbsp; $hit- hahahaha&nbsp; ) and weakness and numbness… everything i read, people stories, didnt have a happy ending. Not necessarily death, but really poor living condition, and i dont mean money.&nbsp;&nbsp; Physically, i am ready to deal with it. Mentally, not so much.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">On a medical note, here is a bit of infomration about how this is affecting me.&nbsp; I am experiencing a lot of these symptoms already, but here is an idea of what this condition does to the brain.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">What can be affected when a deep cavernoma bleeds?&nbsp; The brainstem, thalamus, and deep cerebellar nuclei are very important regions of the brain.<br />The brainstem is that part of the brain that conducts all the nervous impulses from the body to the brain (and vice-versa). It occupies a very small volume and is no more than an inch in cross section or length in much of its length. A small bleed into this tissue from cavernoma can lead to almost any part of the body being affected in strength, co-ordination (including walking, swallowing, vision and breathing) and sensation (all modalities including pain, temperature, touch, knowledge of the position in space, hearing and taste). The brainstem also contains a very important centre for keeping a person awake and damage to this centre can lead to coma.</span><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />The thalamus is a little higher than the brainstem and connects to both the cerebrum and the brainstem. This area of the brain acts as a relay and process centre for nervous impulses coming from the body (and other regions below the cerebrum) that are entering the cerebrum. It is important for sensation (including pain, temperature, touch, knowledge of the position in space and vision).</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I dont like drama. This is simply… reality.&nbsp; I dont like it right now…. but that’s what it is.&nbsp; Being scared, mad and sad forever wont help… so I just have to accept it.&nbsp; Maybe not this minute, but the next, I will.</span><br>2013 2013 2013 <br> <a href="http://www.matrixar.com/" title="Matrix ">المصفوفة : أجمل الخلفيات والصور</a>

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